What I Do When I Want to Change My Entire Life
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man, I ain’t getting nowhere
I’m just living in a dump like this
— Bruce Springsteen, Dancing in the Dark
Ever have one of those days when Bruce Springsteen’s song “Dancing in the Dark” sounds like the story of your life? A day where you take a look in the mirror and want to change your clothes, your hair, your face?
Maybe you want to quit your job, move to Portland, and become a beat poet? Maybe you want to go back to school (or quit school), get a relationship (or end one), and then move to Portland and become a beat poet? Whatever it is, you feel the need to change your entire life in order to be happier. And you probably have an exaggerated notion of Portland and beat poets.
Maybe you’re having one of those moments right now? Maybe you’re always having those moments? And maybe you already live in Portland, are a beat poet, and realize that’s not the answer either?
On those days when you feel you need a new life, don’t get a new life — boost your mood instead.
Despite all the personal development work I’ve done to live a more joyful life, I still have moments where I want to change everything. I look at the marked lack of interest of people in my band’s music and think, maybe I should try writing? Or I see the tiny $900,000 starter homes in Santa Barbara and think, maybe I should move to Detroit (median price of a city home $35,000). Or I wake up tired again and think, I need to find a career where I can sleep in, like a beat poet.
Is this another mid-life (week, month, year) crisis or just a bad hair day? And what should anyone do when they are having a moment where they feel like they should move to Portland? (Not that there’s anything wrong with Portland).
According to Shawn Achor, bestselling author of The Happiness Advantage, he has no opinion about Portland. However, Achor says there are seven actions you can take right now to receive a quick boost of positive emotions: 1) meditate; 2) find something to look forward to; 3) commit conscious acts of kindness; 4) infuse positivity into your surroundings; 5) exercise; 6) spend money (on experiences, not stuff); 7) exercise a signature strength.
On my change-my-life days, I find these two actions stop any sudden moves to the Northwest: focusing on what brings me joy and remembering to bring joy to others.
Focus on what brings you joy.
When your mood makes you consider an abrupt life change, remember to focus on what brings you joy now. Achor talks about exercising a signature strength to lift your mood. This strength could be a skill (like baking excellent cookies) or it could be any one of 24 character strengths you possess, like appreciation of beauty, kindness, or gratitude. For me, I enjoy exercising humor, creativity, curiosity, and love of learning.
So on dramatic days, I might add some humor to my next article, get creative with a music video, take a different path on a walk to satisfy my curiosity, or watch a TED talk to learn something new. Doing any of these activities puts me right back in the present and helps me enjoy the moment.
When you find yourself in a similar situation, don’t go dramatic—return to one of your strengths to boost your mood.
Focus on bringing joy to others.
The other way you can stop an imprudent career change is to focus on bringing joy to others. In fact, the simple act of thinking of someone else’s welfare is often enough to stop my travel plans.
I use two methods to bring joy to others. I might commit a conscious act of kindness in which I thank someone for their impact on my life. Or, I might find an opportunity to help someone. For example, I might go into work, chat with a teammate, and ask if they need any help with their projects. They might not need any help, but the simple act of offering gives me a positive feeling.
So on those days when you feel you need a new life, don’t get a new life—boost your mood instead. Don’t make dramatic changes. Use one of the seven activities Achor suggests, or one of my two picks, to bring you back to joy again.
Of course, if you’re thinking about changing your life every day, then you might want to look into the Portland move (it’s nice), but I would think twice about being a beat poet.
Kyle Crocco enjoys helping others during the day as Chief Creative at BigSpeak Speakers Bureau and in the evenings, focuses on creating music for Duh Professors. He regularly publishes content about business thought leaders and personal growth on Medium, Business 2 Community, and Born 2 Invest.
