Get Better Results With Positive Feedback Using These 4 Methods
I still remember my last performance review. Lots of smiles and laughter as we discussed my work. But after I walked out of the room, I made a beeline for the conference table where there were an array of sweets laid out. As I stuffed a chocolate in my mouth, a coworker with a look of concern on her face asked, “That bad, huh?”
While my boss had been generally happy with my work and I was awarded a nice bonus, I still left thinking of the one flaw he had pointed out. Just like all my school exams before this, I didn’t think about all the questions I answered correctly, I thought about the red marks circling my mistakes.
While it’s possible my attitude could be in need of adjustment, it’s also possible there is a better way for leaders to convey feedback to stop people from stress-eating chocolate. Here are a few suggestions based on research.
Use 3x more positive than negative language
It doesn’t matter whether you’re giving a performance review, grading papers, or in a relationship, you’ll reap more benefits when using more positive language than negative language. But how much positive language do you need to use?
According to Dr. Marcial Losada, the ratio of positive to negative language should be at least 2.9 positive comments to each negative comment, sometimes called the Losada ratio after his discovery. In his studies, Losada found that the best performing teams in organizations had higher ratios of positive to negative comments in their conversations.
Losada considered positive language saying anything that could show support, encouragement, or appreciation, such as “That’s a good idea.” Negative language was considered anything that showed disapproval, sarcasm, or cynicism such as, “That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.”
While that’s easy when things are looking positive. How do you point out mistakes while keeping positive?
Avoid ‘but’ and ‘however.”
People are savvy enough to know that when you start out with a phrase like, “Yes, your research is very good,” they can sense that there will be a contradiction, which will end up negating all the positive feedback you stated before.
Called “yes-buts” by Jia Jiang author of Rejection Proof, these phrases send mixed messages, which could confuse people and make them defensive.
Instead of contradicting all your positive comments, add on to the positive feeling with an ‘and’ followed by an explanation. For example, “Yes, your research is very good…and…it could be even better if you developed this section.”
Focus on the problem, not the person.
When giving feedback, comment on the action or behavior that can be changed, not a person’s character. For example, if you have a person on your team who always makes negative comments, do not say “You’re too critical” or “You’re so negative.” That makes the feedback personal and the person will become defensive.
To focus on the problem say, “Your feedback would be more effective if you added constructive solutions.”
Seek understanding rather than argument.
In her book Powerful, Patty McCord showed how Netflix employees were taught how to use more positive language when discussing contrary viewpoints by asking why.
For example, when a computer was taking too long to buffer, people’s first impulse would be to say, “The buffering is too long. Fix it.” Of course, complaining would just make the engineers defensive.
Instead, employees were taught to seek understanding and ask, “Help me understand why the buffering is taking so long?” This kept the discussion positive and collaborative rather than placing people on opposite sides.
Kyle Crocco works daily as a Content Marketing Coordinator at BigSpeak Speakers Bureau, has recently given up drinking coffee, creates music videos for Duh Professors, and uses more positive language all the time except when he’s really tired.
